15 Secrets

Thanks for the tag mi amiga favorita...

So now, for the 15 secrets you've all been waiting for...

1

I am completely and utterly frightened of being alone, in every sense of the word. I don't just mean like, ending up alone when I'm older. I mean I have difficulties just being alone in my own house, or being alone in a public place. It's weird to explain, but it's also just as bad if I feel like I'm being ignored when I'm with a bunch of friends or at a big party, because it's like being alone in a crowd

2

Speaking of crowds, I cannot handle being squished in the middle of a huge group of people. As in, I will start hyperventilating and panicking

3

I have major issues with the way I look. I hate that I'm not as skinny as most of my friends. And I hate it when people tell me I look fine and that I don't need to lose weight, because I don't care what they say, I care what I think.

4

I hate routine. If things become too routine I will lose all passion and will to do anything

5

I'm still painfully in love with Andy Nadolski. Since him, I have not been able to truly fall in love with anyone else, and I have not been able to find happiness with anyone else, and I've given up trying. About once a week, before I go to bed I will pull out all the pictures and gifts and just cry. Even hearing his name will put me in a bad/sad mood for the rest of the day

6

I'm afraid that I will lose my friends. I always fear that people will start to hate my outspoken personality, or that if I'm not around, then they will just stop caring about me (i.e. my college friends)

7

I really don't want to be in college. All I want to do with my life is get married, write books, plays, and travel.

8

I'm scared of change, to a degree. If there's something difficult that I need to do, but it means breaking the norm, or not taking the easier route, it takes a LOT of talking to make myself do it.

9

I live for spontaneity. Making plans ahead of time is never as fun as the thrill of unexpected adventures.

10

My temper is short and extreme with people who give a bad first impression. Many times, if I'm not a fan of a person immediately, I will never like them. Also, some people just give me bad vibes for no reason at all, and while this is rare, it is impossible to overcome. If I get a bad vibe, I will never like that person.

11

I know that I have character flaws and that I need to change some things, but I also believe that if there's anything that truly needs changed, then it will happen on it's own and until then people should love me for me.

12

I think that there's something important that I need to do with my life, and it frustrates me that I can't figure out what it is.

13

I have issues with people touching my neck

14

I really don't like it when people tickle me. It's not a normal, tickling sucks type of thing. I REALLY can't handle it and when people tickle me, I lose trust in them. And if you tickle my feet I will kick you in the face and not talk to you for a very long time.

15

This is the biggest secret I have, and only my VERY closest friends will EVER know this one.

16 (hey, if Kit can have 16, so can I)

I hate sharing secrets because I feel like if people know secrets, they have knowledge that can be used against me

Ok, so I tag Mike, Sarah, Jessi, and Morgy

Now tell your 15 secrets

So I'm getting an apartment in Carbondale and taking a year off of Illinois Wesleyan to work, take a couple SIU classes, and just finally have some real independence and enjoy life.

And btw, those of you who I have not seen enough this summer... um, that needs to be changed. Soon. And I'll be here for the next year too, so yay!

Currently Listening The Last 5 Years (2002 Off-Broadway Cast) By Jason Robert Brown, Norbert Leo Butz, Sherie Rene Scott Climbing Uphill see related

I am now a Sandwich Artist. That's right bitches.

And you should all visit me whenever you want a sandwich.

Subway in Wal-Mart. I pretty much rock too.

It was a good first day.

Except that the wound on my foot from Chicago (where I was Tuesday and Wednesday seeing WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, it was amazing) opened and bled on my sock for the last 4 hours. It hurts.

And I'm tired. So ciao.

Currently Listening Jekyll & Hyde - The Musical (1997 Original Broadway Cast) By Frank Wildhorn, Leslie Bricusse, Robert Cuccioli, Linda Eder Dangerous Game see related

Dear Lord, he's single.

I don't what to do. Or think. Or feel. Relief? Hope? Despair?

Nothing.

I just found out tonight that the one who has plagued me for two years dumped the girl he left me for a while ago. I found this out only after crying for about two hours because I'm still not over him. Just as I've been crying over him every single night for the past three weeks. I don't know why, but everything I see, do, or think reminds me of him, and I don't know why, but I can't handle it anymore.

I either want him to go away forever, or to come screaming his undying love. But not the latter, 'cause I couldn't believe him. But I would anyway. Because it's him. God, I sound crazy, but if anyone's ever been truly in love and lost that person, you MIGHT understand. If not, then you're gonna be lost.

I just don't know. There's nothing I can do with this information other than know it. It does me no good to dwell or hope or even cry. But then again, this guy is the reason I went out with the jack ass who shall remain nameless and then continued on my downward spiral... because after him I just wanted to hurt guys in general.

And Scott was slowly healing me. But now I know this. And I'm lost again.

Ok, I have to stop, as I'm sure people stopped reading long ago (if people even read this anymore).

I just, I didn't know where else to write all my feelings, since I don't actually keep journals. So I guess, just ignore this. It's for my own personal ranting gratification...

Holy Shit...

I'M HOME!!!

525.0936

In case you all forgot my cell number, there it is. Use it.